All too well
by Emillie1
Summary: It's summer time and everyone's back from their first year of college. Not everything is the same as before they left. Will ex lovers Maya and Lucas be able to rekindle their friendship or will the group have a new found divide. Is it easy to stop yourself from having those feelings again? Because after all, they remember them all too well.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know why, but sometimes, things don't turn out the way we expected them to; at all. The person you thought you would be with forever might leave you. They might completely let you down by doing something stupid, or they might just leave for a reason to which you were never even aware of. You can't prevent other people from doing things; I've tried a million times. They might go and do something they promised for what seemed to be over a million times, they would never do. Or they might just slowly lose interest. They won't care how much it hurts you. They'll just go out and have fun with their friends, not giving you a second thought. Then come back from a trip and not want you anymore. Not that I'm speaking of a personal experience or anything... Take my dad for example, he was in the category of leaving for no reason you were ever aware of. For years my mum spoke so highly of him, I just blamed her every day. I can't believe how long she covered for him for. She led me to believe that he was the greatest man alive and that she drove him away. But truth was we just weren't what he wanted anymore.

I know what you're thinking, don't worry nothing happened to me and Riley. We're better than ever actually, we've both just finished our first year of college and are going back to New York for the summer. Even Farkle is coming back for the summer, unbelievably. Turns out Farkle managed to work really hard and by the end of the first year of college was already running a multi-million company; not that anyone would be surprised.

The problem is actually with... Lucas. I'm looking forward to going back and seeing everyone, but, I don't want to surface up any old emotions. Not after everything.

"Maya!" Topanga called happily rushing to what felt like her own daughter with open arms.

"Topie" I giggled and welcomed her embrace. "Where's Riles, has her plane landed yet?" I questioned readjusting the backpack on my shoulder.

"Believe it or not, for once you're the one who is on time and Riley is late" Topanga smiled.

"Well I am very disappointed with myself-"

"Maya!"

"Auggie" I laughed readjusting the figure hanging on my back. "You know bud, this was okay when you were five, but u weight more than me now" we laughed as he jumped off of my back.

"True" he laughed hugging me from the side.

"So where's Mr Mathews?" I asked curiously.

"Bookstore" Topanga smiled.

"Ugh books" I grimaced sitting on an empty chair beside me. "I'm so tired" I groaned stretching my legs out in front of me.

"You've just been sitting down all day, how are you tired?" Topanga questioned with an amused smirk.

"Because I'm me" I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Hey guys" Riley chirped.

"It's about damn time" I smirked inviting my best friend into a hug.

"The plane was late it's not my fault" Riley smiled.

"Topanga I hope you have made some food, because I am starving" I sighed as we collected our things and left the airport.

It was a couple hours later and Riley and I had settled down into the room, ready for the first sleepover of the summer.

"I'm kind of sad that we only get to do this for one night" Riley sighed as she came over and sat on the bay window with me.

"Oh c'mon Riles, it's not going to be the only sleepover this summer, I just think it's important to spend this first week with my mum and Shawn" I explained.

"Of course, when do they get back from their trip?" Riley questioned.

"Uh tomorrow night I think. It's going to be really weird. I mean I love Shaun and everything, but I haven't been around them since they moved in together" I sighed throwing my hair up in a pony tail.

"I know, I mean they were cute when they were flirting, but it's hard to imagine them sitting on the sofa holding hands and snuggling to a movie" Riley said grabbing her phone before squinting in confusion.

"What's wrong?" I questioned before shaking the candy nerds into my mouth.

"Oh it's nothing" she smiled "I'll be right back".

"Okay" I shrugged with my mouth full of candy.

"Close your mouth Maya" Riley giggled rushing out of the room. The room still looked the same, the bay window still as comfy as ever. I sat there gazing out at the busy streets of New York City. It's going to be so different at home. I bet the apartment is furnished with all of Shaun's amazing photography work. If there's anyone who could convince my mum to decorate the apartment it would be him. I bet there are sports things all around the place. My dad was always into that kind of stuff, but he was always into crappy sports teams. I guess he's just crappy in general.

"Maya?" Auggie called knocking against the door frame.

"Yeah?" I called smiling as he walked into the room.

"I was just wondering if you wanted anything to eat" he asked walking further into the room.

"I've got it all covered" I smirked shaking the box nerds happily.

"I see that" he smiled coming closer to me. "But what I meant is some proper cooked food not balls of sugar" he laughed raising his eyebrows at me.

"And since when can you cook?" I questioned copying his facial expression. "And also, when is a teenage boy ever caring?" I added quickly.

"I'm not cooking, mum is. And I guess I can make an exception for you, you're practically my sister" he sighed wrapping his arm around me giving me a side hug.

"Oh okay... I guess that means that you don't want any of these then, and that hug was just out of pure kindness and had nothing to do with bribery" I smirked shaking the nerds in his face.

"Oh it definitely had something to with bribery" he smirked taking the box from my hand.

"Well thanks for ruining my beautiful tune" I laughed opening my hand out for more candy.

"And it was quite a beautiful tune... I mean beautiful if you're tone death. I think you should stick to art" he smirked.

"Ha ha ha, very funny" I rolled my eyes smiling. "Well I'm going to go see where Riles has disappeared off too" I stood up and ruffled his hair before leaving the room. "Don't eat all my candy, bro" I joked before walking down the hall into the kitchen. I stopped suddenly in my tracks as I heard hushed voices talking.

"I don't think you being here tonight is the best idea. I get it I want to say hi too, but it's just not the best time. Maybe give it a week or so just so she can ease back into everything before having to y' know, deal with you." Who was she talking to? Who was the 'she' that she was talking about? "You hurt her really bad. I mean, you are one of my best friends and I love you, but I definitely do not condone what you did. I'm kind of disappointed in you" Riley sighed. I wanted to peer around the corner and see who it was but I didn't want to interrupt the conversation. And I didn't want to get caught ease dropping... again... long story. So I decided to turn back around to go hang out with Auggie, I mean it's been a long time since I've seen him. I need to teach him all the do's and don'ts into being a cool teenager. Having Riley as his prime example might hinder his chances a little. I mean I love her but, with the track record of Mr Mathews and Riley it's clear that the family has a low success rate when it comes to being cool. He seems to be doing quite well on his own though. It's possible he might have been found the Topanga to his Cory side. But then again, I thought that about me and... Lucas. I began to turn back down the hallway, but that's when I heard it... "Lucas". Lucas? He was here? What do I do? Do I storm in there and slap him or do I just ignore it? I ran back down the hall into Riley's room.

"Maya what you doing?" Auggie asked glancing from the TV to look at my panicked state.

"Out, little bro" I said ushering him to the door shutting it behind him.

"Um okay" he said apprehensively and became muffled through the door.

I ran to my bag and grabbed the shortest shorts I owned and a strappy shirt with a low neck line. I threw them on frantically and pulled out the pony tail and let the bouncy curls in my hair fall. I flipped my head over and frantically shook my hands through my hair. I flipped my head back up and quickly put on some lip gloss. I quickly glanced in the mirror before opening the door to be faced with a concerned Auggie.

"I heard the banging are you okay- Wow" Auggie mumbled with his eyes wide.

"Oh don't be gross, you're my brother" I groaned before rushing down in the hallway before coming to a complete halt. I can do this. Casually I walked into the kitchen; making sure to stick my chest out a little extra. Now I just need reach up for something high on shelf to show off my ass a little. Now to make sure they now I'm there "Hey Riles do you want anything?" I called placing a plate on the counter top.

"Maya?"

"Lucas."


	2. Chapter 2

"What are you doing here?" I questioned placing my hands on my hip. This was a bad idea; such a bad idea. I can't do this. I held our gaze. I furrowed my eyebrows slightly as I tried to figure out his expression. Yep, same as usual; not a care in the world. Only cares about himself.

"Maya, hey" he sighed in relief smiling at me. "You look... nice" he smiled as his eyes lingered on my boobs a little too long. But hey, at least my efforts were appreciated.

"Eyes up here" I snarled pointing to my eyes.

"And they're very gorgeous" he smirked.

"What? The eyes or the boobs?" I sighed crossing my arms.

"Well the eyes are gorgeous... the boobs I'd call something else" he sleazed as he began to walk over to me.

"I'm sure you would" I grumbled glaring at the floor. "I think it's best you leave Lucas" I sighed gesturing towards the door.

"Yes Lucas, Maya's had a long flight and she doesn't need any hassle from you right now" Riley piped up placing a hand on his arm. "It was nice seeing you again Lucas" Riley smiled cheerful. That always bewildered me; the cheerfulness. She was always so happy. I mean I know some people put on a front and don't let their true emotions escape, I mean out of all people I should know the most about that. But, she was genuinely happy; ALL THE TIME! I used to think it was a phase, we were; she was so naive when we were twelve. I always figured that she would grow up and realise that not everything was fluffy unicorns and rainbows. She did, but she always has another perspective; always believes in a silver lining. I used to think that was stupid; but really I admire that. My problem is that I'm not open minded, you hurt me, that's it; never fully trusted again. Even if I was to get back with Lucas, I wouldn't know what to do. I'd always question whether it was the truth or not.

"If that's what you really want Maya?" Lucas questioned turning his gaze back to me. His eyes seemed to be almost hopeful.

"Yes, Lucas. That's what I want" sighing I turned around and began to walk away. I could just feel his eyes burning holes into the back of my head. It's hard to believe that someone who once made me feel so comfortable, can make me feel so hurt and vulnerable. Abruptly, I turned around "Not that you ever cared about what I wanted" I mumbled before leaving the room.

"Uh can I help you?" Auggie questioned as I collapsed on his bed.

"Why can't all guys be as sweet as you?" I sighed closing my eyes. Auggie closed his laptop and stood up from his desk.

"They didn't have a good trainer like I had" he laughed as he sat at the end of his bed.

"That's true. Mrs Maya Hart was always made sure you treated a girl with respect but was never a pushover. Then you had Mrs Riley Mathews, teaching you all the trades of romance" I smiled turning my head in his direction.

"I wish you taught me all those things when I was five" Auggie laughed shaking his head.

"Ahh that's right, Little Miss Ava" I giggled. "If she didn't move to a different town she would still be bleeding you dry, but this time not with chocolate money" I said with a huge grin on my face.

"Nah I don't think my mum would have let her stick around this long" he laughed moving over to sit beside me.

"Remember their game?" I questioned crossing my arms over me.

"Oh when mum would pick up her up and put her out on the door step while Ava screamed weee" Auggie laughed.

"You know, thinking back I'm surprised your mum never did that to me" I sighed smiling at my 12 year old rebellious ways.

"As if she would have ever done that, you're family Maya" Auggie smiled. "Well it was that or you were just too heavy to lift" he joked throwing a blanket over me.

"Very funny. What's this for?" I asked.

"Well I assumed your pretty cold since you're wearing, whatever that is" he sniggered.

"Laugh all you want, but it did the trick" I smirked wrapping the blanket around me a little tighter.

"How did it go?" Auggie asked as he walked over to his bookshelf. He grabbed an English textbook and walked back over to his desk.

"I don't even know" I sighed.

"Lucas was always the good guy" Auggie stated shuffling through his messy stacks of paper on his desk.

"I take it that Riley hasn't been in here yet?" I asked curiously as I stood up and began to walk across the room.

"No, why?" he questioned in confusion.

"Because one look at that desk, and Riley would have a panic attack and cover this entire room of disinfectant" I giggled walking out the door.

"Ha very funny" muffled through the walls as I ventured further away from his room.

"How you holdin' up?" Riley asked softly as she patted a seat on the couch.

"Better knowing how good the kiddo turned out" I smiled dropping down on the seat next to her.

"I'm sorry I let him come round when you were here" Riley sighed placing her head of my shoulder.

"Oh it's fine, when have I never been able to handle anything?" I smiled sadly resting my head against hers. I missed this. I missed this family. When I was with Lucas, I thought he made me feel amazing, special, wanted. But the truth was he never truly made me feel any of that. He never truly cared. This family, this family has always treated me as one of their own. Auggie has been the best possible brother I could ever ask for. He's nothing like my half brothers. They're just slimy rich kids who get special treatment from their number one daddy. Auggie's a hard working nice guy. But I guess in this family that hard working trait was kind of a given. They're all dorks. My dorks. I don't even know what would have happened to me without them. I probably would have ended on a street somewhere; wouldn't be surprised.

"It's all my fault" I sighed closing my eyes.

Riley shot up "Maya, don't say that" she said in alarm.

"Ouch" I groaned grabbing my head.

"Riley, he went off to another country and didn't even miss me. He did drugs, he drank; he did all the things he promised he would never do. That wasn't even what hurt me the most, it was the fact that he didn't even care about me while it was gone. I was really sick; did he give that one thought? No. I've always felt that I've never been good enough him. I mean you saw it yourself; he always had all the girls after him, you included. I always felt so worthless compared to them. I have no money, never been good at school; never been good at anything really. I mean who knows how many girls he stared at when he was away with his friends. Even if we did get back together again... how could I ever trust him? I always felt like he never made as much as an effort as me. I just want someone to treat me special. And I don't mean I want romantic gestures, I mean they would be nice, but all I want is to have a boyfriend to text occasionally and it not feel like it's a chore for them to text me back. When I was with him I thought I was the best girlfriend ever. But I obviously wasn't."

"Yes you were Maya" Riley sighed turning to face me. "You were the best thing that ever happened to him" She said wrapping her arms around me.

"Then why did I deserve to be lied to? Before he left I kept pleading that he didn't do anything stupid, he did; and he lied about it. The one thing he knew that was a deal braker for me; lying. I hate liars" I sighed.

"I know, and you have a right to hate them." Riley said. "How about we watch a movie, take your mind off of things a little?" Riley smiled happily.

"Definitely, but no rom coms" I warned pointing my finger at her.

"Understood" riley smiled.

"Oh and Riles?" I smirked.

"Don't go in Auggie's room" I snickered.

"Why?" She asked curiously stopping dead in her tracks.

"No reason" I smirked as I grabbed the TV remote.

"Auggie!" Riley screeched storming away. In the background I could hear gasps and the rustling of papers mixing with the sound of Riley hyperventilating.

"Thanks a lot" Auggie groaned plopping down beside me. Something tells me this movie isn't going to start for a while.

 **What do you think about the sibling relationship between Auggie and Maya? Let me know in them comments!**


	3. Chapter 3

FLASHBACK

Cupboard love is the theory by... by... ugh it's too late... well I guess early... for this. I glanced down at the corner of the computer screen to read the numbers 03:05. I just want this done; I can't even catch a break. "Um what the hell do you think you're doing?" I questioned clearing my throat.

Lucas' eyes went wide as he clutched his chest dropping the base ball bat to the ground "Jesus Maya" he gasp trying to catch back his breath. "What are you doing in here in the middle of the night!?" Lucas exclaimed running his hand along the top of his head.

"I'm working, I spent all day with you and I needed to get some work done" I sighed slouching in my seat.

"Do you always work at this time" Lucas asked worryingly as he sat opposite me at the kitchen table.

"Only when I can't sleep" I sighed rubbing my eyes.

"I don't know what I'm more shocked at you doing work, or you awake early" Lucas smirked.

"I like it in here, it's comforting" I smiled looking around the kitchen.

"It's a kitchen" Lucas stated.

"It's the only place I really get to see my mum. First thing in the morning when we eat breakfast together and last thing at night when we have dinner together" I explained. It wasn't a massive fancy kitchen, heck; it wasn't even a homely kitchen. It was a grubby old small room with an old cooker, a microwave with a dial that wouldn't turn, a fridge, not a fridge with family pictures and report cards posted all over it; just a plain old fridge. The table we're sitting at isn't a fancy wooden table like they have at the Mathew's with fancy fabric chairs. It was a simple fold up plastic table with two plastic chairs at each end. But it didn't matter what we have; as long as we have each other. I only dreaded to think what Lucas thought about this place. His home was massive, marble counter tops, a huge TV, a dining room table that could be as long as this whole entire apartment... well it's probably not that big, but the point is it's a big damn table.

"Well why don't I get you to bed so we can eat with her in the morning" Lucas smiled standing up from his chair. He leaned over my laptop pressing the save button before closing it down.

"I wasn't finished" I sighed placing my head down on the table.

"I can tell you're tired, please get some sleep" Lucas mumbled bending down to kiss the back of my neck softly.

"I don't want to go to sleep" I moaned in pleasure.

"To bed" he smirked pointing down the hall.

"First I just want a snack" I sighed walking over to the fridge. Lucas came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. Sighing I let my body sink into him. "I'm so stressed" I murmured closing my eyes as he began to rock me side to side. For some reason that always calmed me down. I thought it was silly; like I was a baby again. But it really did help me feel calm.

"I know just how to cheer you up" Lucas whispered in my ear.

"What?" I grumbled as I let sleep begin to take over me.

"M' lady" he smiled turning me around laying my head on his chest.

"You want to dance with me?" I gasped slightly lifting my head slightly.

"Of course I want to dance with my beautiful girl" He smiled lovingly down at me and spun me around slowly.

"How did I get so lucky?" I whispered shyly as we swayed back and forth. And for the next 5 minutes that's all we did, sway to the sound of our heartbeats with the spotlight from the fridge lighting up the room ever so slightly. It was just us.

END OF FLASHBACK

Ugh what time is it? I glanced at my phone vibrating against the bay window. I should go get that. Nope, I'm not going to get that. Sighing I rolled over and pulled the pillow around my ears. Maybe I should go get that. I mean, it must be important if someone is calling at this time in the morning. No one's that rude right... well... I should see who it is anyway. Just to make sure nothing's happened to my mum. I shot out of bed and rushed to phone in pure curiosity. Huh random number. I should probably answer it in case it is something.

"Hello?" I asked. The end of the line was silent; okay this is not creepy at all. The middle of the night... unknown number... sounds of breathing on the end of the line. "Who is it?" I questioned glaring in annoyance. "Is this some prank call?! It hell as better not be or you better be ready to get your ass kicked" I threatened trying not to wake up Riley.

"Maya" a voice sighed on the other end of the line.

"L-Lucas?" I asked in surprise dropping down onto the bay window.

"Hey" He mumbled

"H-Hey" I mumbled in shock. My voice was barely audible. Why was he calling me? Why in the middle of the night? Why not five months ago when everything happened? Why now? What gives him the right to think that he can do that? Does he realise how cruel it is to bring everything back up again? "Why are you calling Lucas?" I sighed. I lifted my knees and rested my chin on them softly.

"I don't know" he mumbled. His voice sounded completely different from what it used to. Even when we used to fight, he never sounded like this.

"Not good enough" I sighed rolling my eyes. It was almost as if I felt my heart just shatter into a million pieces. After all of the things he could have said in that moment. Out of the millions of things he could have said to show that he had one ounce of feeling left for me. But he chose 'I don't know'. Now I remember why he's not worth it.

"Why did you pick up?" He responded suddenly. His tone seemed... rude... Not like the Lucas I used to know.

"Because I didn't know who it was" I explained slightly taken aback by his tone.

"Oh, you deleted my number?" He questioned in shock.

"It hurt too much to keep it" I sighed, I tightly shut my eyes to keep back the tears.

"Oh okay" He mumbled without a care.

"Look if you're just gonna waste my time then, goodbye Lucas" I mumbled with my lips trembling. It hurt so much the first time; I can't believe he's forcing me to say it again.

"Wait, Maya, just wait a second" he said suddenly.

"What?" I whispered glancing over at Riley sleeping calmly. "Just leave me alone, if you don't care about me. Please... just let me move on" I cried quietly.

"I do care about you" He sighed.

"Well you have a funny way of showing it" I remarked glaring into the darkness.

"You're doing that cute thing with your eyebrows furrowed, aren't you? He questioned.

"N-no" I mumbled taken aback.

"Sure you're not" he chuckled. How dare he do that. How dare he act like nothing's happened.

"You don't get to talk to me like that anymore" I snapped.

"I- I'm sorry" he sighed.

"Why did you call, Lucas?" Just saying his name stung me a little... okay; a lot.

"I was thinking about you" he murmured.

"And?" I questioned rolling my eyes.

"And I missed you" he added.

"Five months too late" I sighed and hung up the phone. I can't believe him. It's like he just wants to keep throwing the pain back in my face. I rested my head against the window and stared out at the busy streets of New York City. Tears slowly rolled down my face as I just stared feeling completely lost. What was his idea? To call me and tell me he loves me, that he wants to be with me? I would have done everything for that Man. I did do everything for that man. I only gave up on him when I really had to. I stopped fighting a long time after he did. He took me for granted, he still does. Showing up here and calling me like that. I got up and began to walk back to bed. It was either sleep it off or drink it off; and I know which one I would thank myself for in the morning.

RING... I stared at the phone for a minute. Should I let it ring? Should I answer it?

"Hello?"

"Can you remember the night when we were at your house? You were doing work at late at night and I found you right before I was about to clobber you with a baseball bat" he asked.

"I remember" I mumbled curiously. "You danced with me" I sighed letting my mind take me back.

"And I loved it; I loved holding you in my arms. I loved that it was just the two of us" he sighed. You could hear the shakiness in his voice.

"That was the only time you ever bothered to dance with me, Lucas" I sighed trying not to cry.

"I know, I'm sorry. I truly regret that. I knew that you loved to dance with me and I never even offered. If I had the chance ever again I would grab your hands and make you dance with me until you couldn't stop smiling. I knew that's all you wanted me to do. Dance with you, and I never did. You deserve a guy that's proud to dance with you" he sighed sadly.

"Yeah, I do" I mumbled as my voice cracked as I tried to control the tears. "And you have no idea how much I wanted that guy to be you."

"All I ever did was say that you moaned. Now I realise that I never bothered to fix it. Then I just moaned that you hadn't gotten over it. I can't believe you stayed with me for so long" He cried softly.

"I stayed because I loved you" I sighed trying to keep myself in check.

"Past tense?" he asked.

"Past tense" I confirmed.

"I would dance with you, I would call you, I would text you, I would do more romantic gestures for you. I know you didn't want attention. You just wanted to be loved. I was your boyfriend and I didn't even make you feel loved. How bad is that? Every time you were upset I said you just wanted attention. I should have just treated you better while I still had you. You were the best thing that ever, ever, happened to me. And I hurt you. I'm very sorry" he cried.

"Do you know how many times I've wanted you to say that over the past four years Lucas? Too many times to count. You never text me good morning, little nice texts throughout the day. You never called. You never made any effort. If you even said this the night everything happened, I might still be with you. I just can't do this tonight it's too much" I sighed crying silently.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Maya" Lucas cried.

"Me too, goodnight" I sobbed as I hung up the phone.

"I'll always love you, it just became too difficult."

 **Let me know how you liked the chapter, thanks for reading!**


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